Checking in at 35.5-inches tall (the height of an emperor penguin) and 50 pounds (the weight of six gallons of water), with a circumference of 25.5 inches (a common runway model waist size), Moby the Huge is, according to one verified Amazon purchaser, “the biggest dildo [they’ve] ever seen.”

Made of “firm, flexible rubber” and coming in (my apologies for the unfortunate wording) either a standard white flesh or unrealistic ink black color, the “massive shaft” retails for just short of $600 on Amazon.

If you’re wondering who on Earth would be willing to pay that much for what is, for all intents and purposes, just a decorational dildo, the answer is: many people.

And boy, do they love it.

Hi, I’m The Moby, World’s Largest Retail Dildo, 36 Inch https://t.co/weCJBWYBcA

— n (@coffeemoogles) December 26, 2020

Moby the Huge’s Amazon review section, with its mix of verified and mostly unverified customer reviews, is a treasure trove of five-star raves, with only a few scattered low-score pans here and there.

Customers reportedly use it for many a purpose. Throughout the years, Moby the Huge has taken on the role of a coat hanger, a weapon, a table centerpiece, a stool, and of course, as its intended purpose: an actual sex toy (talk about being braver than the troops).

Can not believe they named a book after a gigantic dildo the moby dick

— A Real Sigma Male (@ArealsigmaMale) April 7, 2022

The manufacturer itself encourages buyers to get creative and to test their boundaries — both mental and physical. “Impress your friends, make him the centerpiece at a wild party. Use him as a unique prop, or make him the star of your next trade show,” reads the description. “There may even be a soul out there brave or talented enough to use Moby as a traditional dildo. With this tremendous and truly unique dong, anything is possible! You are limited only by your kinky imagination.”

Among all the Amazon reviews, though, a few of them take the cake. These are our five-star favorites: